


When it Crumbles (I’ll be There)

by Kaijuscientists



Series: Fictober 2019 [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale is a Mess (Good Omens), Caring Crowley (Good Omens), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Sad Aziraphale (Good Omens), Whump, Whumptober 2019, breakdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 03:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20885735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaijuscientists/pseuds/Kaijuscientists
Summary: What happened when you don't face the emotional consequences of your actions, and just go on as if nothing happened?Aziraphale's own post-notpocalypse breakdown.





	When it Crumbles (I’ll be There)

**Author's Note:**

> second entry for whumptober, mostly for the prompt "tear-stained" I tried to write in a tense that i don't normally use, and it was hard! not quite sure i managed it but it was fun (pls no concrit)

Crowley had been waiting for it, since their little swapping trick. He’d been watching, knowing that eventually, Aziraphale would realize the gravity of what they had done. And that it would hit him like a proverbial ton of bricks. 

Crowley had counted his hypothetical blessings when Aziraphale had not immediately fallen. Something that had weighed heavily on his conscience throughout their entire swap. Yes, it had been necessary to save brother their lives, but the consequences were and still are unknown. 

So Aziraphale was still an angel. Deciding to leave heaven behind had been a completely voluntary decision, made easy following the not quite apocalypse. But one didn’t separate from the host like that and not be affected. Heaven had it’s claws buried deep into his angel for much to long for him to have gotten away unscathed, especially when said angel decided to continue on with life as if nothing had happened. Never once did he stop to process his feelings on the matter. 

Crowley tried to be around as much as possible in the weeks following their trails, but he had to leave sometimes, they both needed alone time, and he didn’t want to smother his angel. Besides, he still had his flat with all his plants, and while they knew better than to wilt, they still needed care. 

Really, he should have known that one of the few times he left his side, Aziraphale would break. 

He returned to the bookshop after only being gone a few hours, it was so easy for him to get lost with his plants, and immediately knew that something was wrong. The wave of sorrow that washed over him in waves as he opened the door was so strong, it almost brought him to his knees. 

How had he not felt this from his flat, he wondered, normally he’s so in tune with Aziraphale’s emotions, especially his distress. But that was the least of his worries, right now he has an Angel who was hurting to find. 

He finds him hidden away between the bookshelves, sitting against the wall with his knees hugged to his chest, face buried in his arms. 

Crowley approached the angel slowly and cautiously, not wanting to spook him. “Aziraphale,” He said softly. “Angel, talk to me.”

Aziraphale just shook his head, sniffling. “Nothing to talk about.” He said thickly, his nose sounded like he was stuffed up from hours of crying. 

And Crowley’s wondered if maybe he had been, that particular though made his stomach twist. 

“If it’s got you this worked up, there is.” Crowley said, moving to sit in the space next to Aziraphale, putting an arm around him. 

That simple action was enough to set him off again, Aziraphale had thought he was cried out, but Crowley’s gentle touch and words had his tears flowing again. 

Suddenly, Crowley finds himself with an armful of crying angel pressed against his chest, he wraps his arms around him, feeling like if he let go, the angel would literally fall to pieces. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled into Crowley’s neck. He moves to rest his cheek on Crowley’s chest, so he’s not so muffled. “I was... I was cleaning a few things up and…” he stopped, Crowley can tell he was trying to stop himself from crying again. “I forgot it was under there.”

“What did you forget?” Crowley asked, keeping his tone gentle.

“The sigils.” Aziraphale said, with a sigh, “I forgot about them, when I moved the rug. And then I’m afraid everything up till now has just hit me rather hard, and very suddenly.”

Crowley hummed, waiting for Aziraphale to go on, can tell he wants too, rubbing his back to offer what comfort he can. 

“You know, before everything happened, I had tried to speak to the Almighty, through the Metatron.” Aziraphale said, Crowley’s shirt clenched between his fingers. “That’s when, I think, I really realized we were on our own. Realized you were right all along…”

Aziraphale stops talking again and Crowley doesn’t even have to look to know he’s crying again. Crowley magics up a handkerchief, offering it to Aziraphale. 

“Thank you” he sniffled, wiping his eyes with the handkerchief. “I was loyal to them for so long, crowley. And for what?” he said so sadly, it punched Crowley right in the gut.

“You believed in them, angel.” Crowley offered, still tracing patterns into Aziraphales back. He doesn’t say it was because they had him brainwashed, this was not the right time for that particular conversation. “You had faith, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I should have realized sooner, honestly.” Aziraphale said, he sighed heavily. “Then… then maybe I… we could have…”

“Shhh, angel, it’s alright.” Crowley said, tightening his grip on Aziraphale, nearly crushing him into his chest. “Listen, I have no regrets, I would have waited 6 more millenia for you to come ‘round.”

“I suspect you’re telling the truth.” Aziraphale managed a small smile at that. But it was short lived as his thoughts continued down the unfortunate path they had started down hours earlier. 

“You know, after everything that’s happened, I have no desire to ever step foot in Heaven again.” Aziraphale said. “But it still hurts, to know I can’t go back. What kind of Angel does that make me.”

Crowley, for his part, sat and listened while Aziraphale spoke his thoughts on heaven. Until he said the one thing that made every hair on the back of his neck stand up straight. 

“I would be easier had they just made me fall…” he sighed quietly. 

Crowley’s gasp is drew him from his self pity. “Angel, don’t ever say that.” 

“Oh, no.” He piped up realizing what he just said, how hurtful that must have been. “Crowley, i didn’t mean…”

“You’ve done nothing to deserve a fall.” Crowely murmured, pressing a kiss to Aziraphale's temple. “I’ve been worried, for a long time, that someone up there would make it happen anyway, because of your involvement with me.”

Aziraphale shivered, he himself had been worried for probably just as long, that Crowley would be destroyed because of his involvement with an angel. 

“Aziraphale.” Crowley soothes, his tone the one he used when he’s about to say something important. “You’re allowed to grieve for what you lost, I will be the last one to judge you for that.”

“I shouldn’t waste the energy grieving for heaven, not when they wanted me dead so badly.” Aziraphale shook his head, how can he waste time on them when they couldn’t even give him a proper trial. All that is accomplished by that train of thought are more tears welling in his eyes. 

“You need to,” Crowley said, squeezing his angel close. “Heaven is what you knew, angel, losing faith in what was your foundation will shake any being, trust me.”

“Your pain will ease over time.” Crowley added, taking Aziraphale’s hand in his. “And for the record, you’ve always been the only truly good angel, the rest are wankers.”

Aziraphale raised they’re linked hands, brushing his lips across Crowley’s knuckles. He knew he’d be ok, as long as he had Crowley there with him. “Thank you, my dear.”


End file.
